All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
