Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
