I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
