i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
