Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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