im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
