My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is Oprah even human
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
