Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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