Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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