he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
