We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
