The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
