just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
