Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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