Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
