Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
