why im i the only drunk person in the library?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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