i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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