haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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