My cat gives me a boner
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize