yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
