i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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