If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
