I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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