White coat. Heels.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
