I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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