Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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