she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
