she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
