fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
