Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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