I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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