im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
