As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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