Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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