Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
