Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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