Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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