I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
