he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
