im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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