I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
