oh god the rape fog is back!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
