What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
