what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
