I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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