you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
