1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
