Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
