you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My dick has a subreddit
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize