Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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