I heard we made out
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
