I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
