I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
