So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
