The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
