is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
