plz talk dirty to me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
