i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize