My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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