so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
