i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
