Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
