I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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