were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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