I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
