I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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