You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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