you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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