would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize