you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
