our cab driver is having phone sex.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
