Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
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Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have aggressive nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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