There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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