You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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