If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
