it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
