I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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