Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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